Chase Hates Kimiko's Hat
by EstelleDusk
Summary: What did Chase think about the fact that Kimiko no longer dyed her hair crazy colors, put on wigs, or did her hair in unusual styles? Well, he's wasn't exactly fond of the loss of pocket change. / Crack!AU, not serious in any way shape or form
1. Chapter 1

**AN:/** Okay...to start off...I was doodling and drawing a scene from If I Can't Have Her and I needed a good view of Kimiko's casual outfit in Xiaolin Chronicles, so I went to Google. I eventually found a certain picture approximately four hours ago. Remove all spaces "images2. wikia. nocookie _ _cb20131103213621/xiaolinpedia/images/5/56/Picture_352. png" Now, to _me_, it looks like Chase is giving the hat a mean look and perhaps thinking about burning it...which caused this crazy thing to happen. I'm sorry if they seem OOC, but as far as I'm concerned, this story is pure Crack and Randomness and is just for Fun.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned Xiaolin Showdown, well, a lot of things would be different and my ships would be canon.

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It's been months since she stopped dying her hair and using all sorts of crazy wigs and unusual hairstyles. And frankly, Chase was a bit sad about that. Kimiko's sudden interest in keeping her hairstyles normal, and her hair color it's natural raven black, had put a stop to a small gambling ring on the Heylin side. They would make bets about what style she would try next whenever she leaves the Xiaolin Temple.

During the first year of the gambling ring, everything was up to chance and pure luck allowed the gamblers to win. Then Chase met the monks and joined in on the games. Two weeks later, he won nearly every betting pool.

Of course, that may have been due to the fact that even if he didn't wear it, he kept up with the Shinjuku styles of Japan. He had to do _something_ all day, so when magazines were invented, he subscribed to nearly every one he could get his hands on. Some subscriptions only lasted the first issue, but others, like Evil Housekeeping, Evil Weekly, and Fashionable Tokyo remained arriving at his home every week or month.

So when Chase met the young Dragon of Fire and recognized that she was wearing that week's latest fashion in Japan, he joined the betting pool.

But now, there is no such thing. Because his little spitfire had decided it was time to grow up and stop being creative with her hair. Chase grumbled about it for months, as did the rest of the Heylin whenever she wasn't around. But none of them dared even hint at their former games within 2 miles of her. She was still fond of using the Mind Reader Conch which she somehow extended the range of to 2 miles, and she still had a fiery temper, so no one wanted to risk her finding out her habits had been used as a source of entertainment.

One day, when Chase had temporarily teamed up with the monks using the Taho Snout to locate Spicer, he couldn't keep his eyes off Kimiko and her hat. It was plain, purple, and had in fact been mentioned in the last issue of Fashionable Tokyo as something no one from Shinjuku should ever be caught wearing. And yet, Kimiko was wearing such a hat, and has been wearing it since before Chase destroyed the Xiaolin Temple alongside Shadow.

Once all the trouble with the Tiger Shrimp was sorted, and everyone was ready to return to their respective homes and forget everything, Chase suddenly had a bad case of Blabblermouth Syndrome.

"Kimiko, I know we're on different sides and all that...but trust me when I say you should burn the hat and go back to dying your hair, wearing wigs, and having crazy hairstyles. I lost a lot of money thanks to you deciding you were a grown up."

Everyone stared at Chase in disbelief, before Jack frantically began to tell his idol to kindly shut up watch what he says in Kimiko's presence. "What the hell, Chase? You know you're not supposed to mention that within 2 miles of her in case she has the conch! Stop thinking about it and get out of here before she tries to find out. I thought you were a genius not a fucking idiot!"

Jack Spicer then realized that _he_ should have kept his mouth closed and just let Kimiko attempt to beat up the Heylin Dragon for his opinion. Chase wasn't currently tied down to a torture device and could get away before he accidentally said anything else. But Jack? No, he was restrained and unable to break free. So he tries to change the subject. "Uhh, uhm, Kimiko! Was the next Crushing Hard On And Practically In Love With a Psychopath Anonymous Meeting at my place or Harley's? Whose turn was it to bring snacks? Was it next week or this week?"

"My place, your turn, and in two days. Now, what's this about losing money?" The Dragon of Fire said sweetly. The Xiaolin Monks were notably confused about what was going on. Shadow, having been "born" after the gambling ring ended, had no idea what anyone meant, and began to imagine Kimiko in crazy hairstyles. Chase laughed, "Good luck Spicer, and your injuries will not excuse you from litter box duty."

He turned around, laughing, and began to walk away when a small, dainty hand gripped him upper arms with enough force to stop him in his tracks. He let his eyes wander to the hand and then the sweetly and murderously smiling person it belonged to. "Err..."

"Not so fast Chase. It seems the both of you are in on this, and it seems to me that you were betting on something having to do with my hair. I think it best you explain now." Kimiko leaned closer and glared at him.

Chase fought off a violent shiver at the fire in her eyes and pried her fingers off his arm. "I think not."

"Oh, then I guess I'll just have to pay you a housecall when I'm done with Spicer here." She answered nonchalantly, checking her nails for any chipped nail polish.

"It just so happens, I moved a few months ago, you don't know where I live now." Chase replied a bit hesitantly.

"Are you sure about that? Not to mention, I know for a fact Jack's been staying with you as a sort of maid. And I'm fairly good at extracting information, just ask the boys." Kimiko drawled, letting her eyes slide over to the rest of the monks, each of them gulped and nodded their heads like their lives depended on it.

Chase fidgeted, and re-adjusted his belt. He took a moment to collect himself before replying. "I'll take my chances." As he grabbed Shadow's arm and teleported home with a little magical help, he could have sworn he heard a cheery female voice tell him to make sure dinner was ready by seven. Once he was home, he adjusted his belt once more and fixed his pants a bit. His eyes were wide and wild as he looked around.

Eventually, Shadow tried to regain his attention. "Why is your armor lopsided? And when is girlie boy coming back?"

Chase looked down and this time re-adjusted his armor as well as his pants and belt. He then gulped and made sure his voice was his usual commanding tone. "Shadow, effective immediately until breakfast tomorrow morning, you are banished to your room. Or if you'd rather, you may leave the caves for the next day. If you choose to leave, the cats will go with you to protect you and make sure you don't come back until morning. If you choose the stay, the cats will ensure you stay in your room."

Shadow looked at him in disbelief, not understanding why she was suddenly being banished from his presence. They were supposed to go over some plans later today to destroy the monks, and then it would be Game Night. She was getting pretty good at Scrabble and couldn't wait to finally win against him.

"Oh, one more thing, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that meeting Spicer mentioned? It seems I may have found my psychopath." Chase casually asked, knowing his pseudo-daughter had attended those meetings once before running back home claiming she was wrong and needed a strong drink.

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**AN:/** If you liked it, feel free to review, if you didn't like it, feel free to leave, if you are too lazy to review or login, then please, refresh the page a couple times so the hit counter goes up. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:/** I know, I know, I should be updating IICHH or IWAM...allow me to tell you why I presently can only update this complete crack of a fic (you kids still use that term, right? Crack!Fic? I wasn't sure, but I think you do...) the reason being that a lot of things are going on right now on my end. I'm moving, you see. And I've been put in charge by my mum to pack up everything while my siblings and parents are busy doing everything else. So, I have to pack up my stuff, my mum's, my dad's, my anego's, my otouto's, and my dog. We bought the house the other day, but in the recent weeks (aka, since my last update), I've been doing the house hunting. So now I have a month to pack everything and I won't be getting any help despite also having my own things to do... So updates will be slow...very slow. Because I tend to have maybe ten minutes at a time to sit down at a computer and writing takes a while.

So those are my apologies and explanations...forgive me?

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"You said I'd be free by breakfast."

"Aren't we eating breakfast now?" Chase countered, gesturing at all the breakfast foods at the table.

"It's lunchtime and we're eating waffles. That's not breakfast."

"You're right, it's simply the first meal of the day, let's call it brunch instead."

"What aren't you telling me?" Shadow narrowed her eyes.

"Kimiko found me last night. We had a bit of a scuffle all night long. She only left about an hour and a half ago." A dopey grin spread across his face as he remembered last night's events.

Shadow saw the grin, heard the words, and took into consideration all the noises she heard last night before her jaw dropped in disbelief. "You slept with Kimiko!"

"It's against the Xiaolin policy for their monks or Dragon Warriors to have sexual relations with anyone." He replied easily, neither confirming nor denying the accusation. He smirked and had a laughing look in his eyes.

"You did!" Shadow grabbed the waffles on her plate and threw them at her lord and master and sometimes father. "You _knew_ I liked her and you slept with her!"

Throughout the day, Shadow randomly threw objects at Chase while claiming how unfair he was and how he never lets her have what she wants. Chase blocked or dodged every object. His only reply was that his pseudo-daughter needed to calm down so they could continue with their spreading of evil.

Eventually, a Shen Gong Wu was activated late that night, and the first thing the Xiaolin monks saw upon arriving at the scene was Shadow picking up a large rock and throwing it at Chase's head. Since the dragon overlord was distracted by the arrival of the monks, he was actually hit by the rock. His patience finally snapped and he yelled at Shadow.

"Would you stop that? I don't care if you liked her, I saw her first! We met when she was fifteen...fourteen...Kimiko, how old were you when I tried to eat Dojo that first time?" His gaze shifted to the female Dragon Warrior for a moment.

Her confusion was obvious and Kimiko slowly answered, "Fifteen and a half..."

"See? I saw her first, so I get dibs. AND! We had lovely alternate universe afternoons and nights. So _double dibs_." Chase informed Shadow with a grin at the memories.

Kimiko's face was aflamed as she realized just what Chase was saying in public. Omi tugged at her sleeve and she looked at him to hear his question. "Kimiko...what does Chase mean by that?"

"Oh, uh, heheh, nothing, Omi, nothing. He's probably just trying to psych out Shadow. Let's get the Shen Gong Wu while they're distracted."

"Uh, little lady, I don't think we'll be getting the Shen Gong Wu." Clay pointed in the direction of the arguing Heylin members. Just a few feet away from them was the new Shen Gong Wu.

"Hang on...I have an idea, just pretend to still be looking-" the sound of helicopter blades forced Kimiko to amend her statement, "and keep Jack away." She then walked up Chase and Shadow. "So...why exactly are you arguing? You both just always seemed like the best of buds before." She walked close to the new Wu without looking at it.

Chase and Shadow stopped glaring at each other to look at girl of their affections. Chase's eyes strayed to the Shen Gong Wu practically next to the Dragon of Fire. He turned his head back to Shadow and continues his conversation with her telepathically.

_"Shadow...I have an idea, three of us touch the new Shen Gong Wu at the same time, winner gets Kimiko. If she wins, then whoever she chooses, we have to abide by. But when I win, you have to stop throwing your tantrums about this and accept it."_

Shadow then looked at the Shen Gong Wu and Kimiko realized they were aware of it. The three of them jumped for it, all managing to touch it somehow, thereby starting a Showdown. Just as the Dragon of Fire was about to speak her wager, she was interrupted by Shadow.

"Winner gets Kimiko!"

"Wait, what?"

"Agreed."

"What?"

"When _I _win, Chase, you have to give me all the pictures you have of her, too."

"What!?"

"That won't be a problem because I will win, and then you have to give me all the pictures _you_ have of her."

"WHAT!?"

"Fine!"

"And what are your terms, Kimiko?"

"I...when I win, you _both_ give me all the pictures you have of me, and anything else you have of me or from me or that has anything to do with me."

"As you wish." Chase said before the Showdown began officially.

Clay, Omi, Raimundo, Ping Pong, Jack Spicer, Dojo, and Wuya were left staring at the place where Kimiko, Chase, and Shadow were moments before. Jack decided to break the silence between them. "Did my idol and his weirdo pseudo-daughter just get into a Showdown for rights to Kimiko?"

Ping Pong nodded. "Oui, I do believe that's what we just saw."

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**AN:/** If you liked it, feel free to review, if you didn't like it, feel free to leave, if you are too lazy to review or login, then please, refresh the page a couple times so the hit counter goes up. ^_^


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